I have for you today a 100 percent guaranteed way to survive a fatal gunshot wound. If you do exactly as I am about to tell you, you’ll never have to worry about receiving a fatal gunshot wound ever again. I know that there are those who say this is only a gimmick. But I assure you, it works.
Now, remember, I’m talking about a fatal wound. Not a wound to the arm or leg — got to hit a critical body organ like a kidney or liver or lung. Or it could be a shotgun blast to the neck so that it serves the head to qualify. The point is, it cannot simply be some firearms injury that you would have survived with good medical care. The injury must be one that any competent medical practitioner would say, “He’s a goner,” and a priest would administer last rites. If you even think in your heart of hearts that you might have lived, it does not qualify. Now understand me. I’m not saying that you won’t live, only that only a fatal gunshot wound is covered by my guarantee. Someone else might have other guarantees.
Here is what you do when you receive a fatal gunshot wound. And you don’t have to use the exact words — only words that mean the same thing.
“JESUS! Help me!” and you can repeat it if you want, it doesn’t hurt. But you must continue. “I confess that you are the Son of God, and I make you Lord of my life and ask for forgiveness for all I’ve done wrong.”
Now I know you’re thinking you won’t have time to say all that I’m outlining right now. But remember, you don’t have to use the exact words, only the critical ones. I’ve already put those first, “JESUS! Help me!” Or “Lord JESUS, help me!” Or “Help me, JESUS!” All else can be understood. After all, we’ve all heard how your entire life flashes before your eyes in a moment when you are dying. And we’re not talking about a really long moment – – just a regular moment.
And remember, it must be a fatal gunshot wound; if someone hits you really hard and you get knocked out, that does not qualify, even if you are never quite right ever again like a good friend of mine–he thought he was OK, but he wasn’t and still isn’t, but he does not know it. That’s why I won’t use his name because he might find out, and it would be a big debate all over again about who knocked him out, and he could get knocked out for the second time. But back to the point;“From this moment on, for as long as you allow me to live, I will serve You in every way possible. And I will know what is possible because I will study Your word to know You more and more. And I will honor Your name.”
Now do not forget, it must be a fatal wound, and it must be a gunshot wound. There are knife wounds that are pretty serious, and of course, there is poisoning and the regular beat-down where you just wish you were dead. THEY DO NOT QUALIFY! And it can’t be an attempt at suicide. Of course, if it were suicide, you would not want to survive — unless you started out going for suicide and then thought to yourself, “I really don’t want to do this.” That could happen, but it would not qualify for my guarantee.
Well, I’ve mentioned a few times about qualifying. So what difference does it make whether you qualify or not? What is going to happen if you are shot and do all that I say but don’t survive? Well, I don’t have much, but I’ll give it all to you. I mean, I’ll give it to your survivor if you’re old enough to have a survivor. If not, well…
Anyway, that is how sure I am that my guarantee works!
I’m just that confident that you’ll survive. It’s not some magic trick or anything like that. And I’m not a guy who goes back on his word. I’ll really give you all, such as I have. And even though it might not be much to you, my all is a lot to me, it’s all I have.
Now, just so we have everything right, let’s put it all together so you can see it all without having to wander through the entire document to make sure you’ve got it all down:
“JESUS! Help me! I confess that you are the Son of God, and I make you Lord of my life and ask for forgiveness for all I’ve done wrong. From this moment on, for as long as you allow me to live, I will serve You in every way possible. And I will know what is possible because I will study Your word to know You more and more. And I will honor Your name.
That’s it! But remember, we are only talking about a fatal gunshot wound. If a hundred doctors saw you, and one out of the hundred said your wound is not fatal, you would not qualify under my guarantee. I’ve got to make this clear because people will tend to take this as a legal document. And as I’ve said, what I have is probably not much, but it’s all I’ve got. See. I’ve got a lot to lose. What have you got to lose? You would have lost all anyway!
Wow! Wait a minute! If you are in a situation where you are going to lose or have lost everything anyway, why not try this? Even if it’s not covered by my guarantee? In fact, maybe you can stave-off loss. Even if it were only a very tiny loss, what have you got to lose? OK. Let’s go again;
“JESUS! Help me! I confess that you are the Son of God, and I make you Lord of my life and ask for forgiveness for all I’ve done wrong. From this moment on, for as long as you allow me to live, I will serve You in every way possible. And I will know what is possible because I will study Your word to know You more and more. And I will honor Your name.
Ephesians 1:3-14 (NLT) 3}All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. 4}Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. 5} God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. 6} So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. 7}He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. 8}He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding. 9}God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. 10}And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ–everything in heaven and on earth. 11}Furthermore, because we are united with Christ, we have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. 12}God’s purpose was that we Jews who were the first to trust in Christ would bring praise and glory to God. 13}And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. 14}The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.