Notes To The Family

A Polyamorous Christian?


The Washington Post Magazine, Date Lab, April 14, 2019

From the above article:

Certain things about me seem very conservative, 37-year-old lawyer Mary Thuell told me. "Church is very important."  In fact, Mary is a Sunday school teacher and sings alto in her Episcopalian church choir.  Like a lot of women her age, Mary is dating with an eye toward a lasting partnership and eventually children -- what she calls "serious markers, relationship escalators."  But Mary says that a lot of the men she goes out with have trouble reconciling her ostensibly traditional values with the fact that she is also polyamorous.  That is, she believes it is possible to build and maintain stable, intimate and loving relationships with multiple people.  She does not believe in "exclusivity as a marker of how much someone matters to you," she told me.  "I just don't ascribe to that anymore." . . .

. . . However, Chad wasn't blindsided. Typically, Date Lab participants start the night with almost no prior knowledge of the other dater.  This time, the sensible minds at The Washington Post Magazine thought it best to brief Chad in advance that his date was poly.  He was pretty chill about the whole thing --"especially on a first date," he told me, "because pretty much everyone is polyamorous at that point."  Chad is also very sensible.  And this is not his first rodeo.  "In my 20s, I had been through stints of dating multiple people --what they call ethical non-monogamy, he said.  "As long as you have open, honest conversations about what the relationship is supposed to be, it can work out really well." 

Well, that's the set up.  For this article the ending is not important.  We'll just focus on a few statements from above:

Certain things about me seem very conservative," 37-year-old lawyer Mary Thuell told me. "   Church is very important, not Christ!

She does not believe in "exclusivity as a marker of how much someone matters to you," she told me.  "I just don't ascribe to that anymore."  That being a tenant of followers of Christ who worship together as local church bodies, one cannot say that she is a believer and follower of Christ.

But Mary says that a lot of the men she goes out with have trouble reconciling her ostensibly traditional values with the fact that she is also polyamorous. As does this writer, and perhaps you.

Church attendance and/or membership have little to do with one's relationship to Christ.  And if there is no relationship with Christ anything goes. The church welcomes all, with the understanding that they have come to a place where they are committed to following Christ.  But within any church there are many who do not follow the teachings of Christ.  There is no guardian over the Cup of Communion.  Most require commitment to a statement of faith to serve in the choir or teach Sunday school or carry out other church duties, but not all.  Even for the churches that do, there can be great variance in the character of Believers, some weak and less disciplined and some well disciplined and strong.

Your relationship with Christ must be a personal thing.  It cannot be based on what others do or profess.


Matthew 7:15-21 (KJV) 15 Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? 17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. 19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. 21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.


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